This is just a short one, but it's a big deal for me, and I wanted to share this. I don't know if I've got the exact date right, but I do know that it's close enough.
Today marks a year from the day I started recovery. It has been a year since I really started trying to fight my self-harm addiction. And that, to me, seems incredible.
When I look back to the dark place I was in a year and a half ago, I find it difficult to believe that I am here today. At that time, I was severely depressed, I was suicidal, I was self-harming every day, I went through episodes where I wouldn't eat and didn't care who knew what I was doing to my body. The first time I realised just how serious this was was terrifying. I'll spare you the details, but basically I was on a school trip in France and there were cliffs and I was thinking how jumping to my death may not be such a bad idea. I was barely 14.
Now I'm nearly 16 years old. Not fully recovered- it's an uphill battle, but it looks like I'm winning. I still get depressed from time to time, but I haven't caused my body any intentional harm for 6 months almost. That may not seem a big deal to some, but to me, it's a sign of how I managed to fight my demons and beat this mental illness, alone, for the most part.
I couldn't have done it without the support of my beautiful and perfect friends, even if they never knew about the darkness that threatened to consume me. They were there and they still are, and I will be forever grateful to them.
Saturday 22 February 2014
It Needs To Be Said
Wow, look at me, two posts in one day and one is directly after the other... What can I say? I've been inspired. :)
I shall preface this by saying that a good friend of mine recently came out. I love her and I'm proud of her and all of those sentimental clichés that people say when someone they know comes out (and I do love her and I am proud of her, but they are overused.) But it got me thinking about love, and relationships and sexuality. I am a wholehearted supporter of LGBTQ rights and marriage equality, I have always been.
I have two uncles who are gay, so as a child, I was always brought up being aware that the 'traditional' idea of a relationship between a man and a woman being the only sort to exist was not true at all. I thank my mother for bringing me up and teaching me to be accepting and open. I was pretty outraged when I learned that some parents don't want their children to know that some people are gay. To me, that's on the same level as forbidding children to watch the news. Not letting your children watch the news is ridiculous - you want to protect then from things like death and crime that appear on our TV screens all too frequently, but what you're really doing in bringing them up in a perfect fantasy world. They will be exposed to bad things sooner or later, inevitably, so why not just let them know about it from a young age? I always watched the news in the morning when I was young, and I'm in no way violent now, at the age of fifteen.
I
Bringing your child up unaware of different sexualities is the same thing. Ignorance breeds fear breeds hate, and if there's one thing we don't need more of in this world, it's hate. Opposing same-sex marriage is one thing; pretending it doesn't exist is another matter entirely. The former I will accept, even if I totally disagree. The latter will enrage me. Because the truth is, like war and abortion and famine, homosexuality is very real. (War and famine are not the best examples, as they're pretty much considered universal evils, but I couldn't think of anything else)
We are living in a society where being LGBTQ is becoming less controversial and more and more accepted. I strongly believe that we could be the generation that will change things. I'm convinced that the vast majority of people despise racism, which was common until fairly recently. If our attitude towards racial minorities and interracial relationships changed so quickly, what do you think will happen to our views on LGBTQ?
And a final question: We despise racism, and look back on white supremacy as a horrific belief held by ignorant people. In twenty years, how will we look back on homophobia?
I shall preface this by saying that a good friend of mine recently came out. I love her and I'm proud of her and all of those sentimental clichés that people say when someone they know comes out (and I do love her and I am proud of her, but they are overused.) But it got me thinking about love, and relationships and sexuality. I am a wholehearted supporter of LGBTQ rights and marriage equality, I have always been.
I have two uncles who are gay, so as a child, I was always brought up being aware that the 'traditional' idea of a relationship between a man and a woman being the only sort to exist was not true at all. I thank my mother for bringing me up and teaching me to be accepting and open. I was pretty outraged when I learned that some parents don't want their children to know that some people are gay. To me, that's on the same level as forbidding children to watch the news. Not letting your children watch the news is ridiculous - you want to protect then from things like death and crime that appear on our TV screens all too frequently, but what you're really doing in bringing them up in a perfect fantasy world. They will be exposed to bad things sooner or later, inevitably, so why not just let them know about it from a young age? I always watched the news in the morning when I was young, and I'm in no way violent now, at the age of fifteen.
I
Bringing your child up unaware of different sexualities is the same thing. Ignorance breeds fear breeds hate, and if there's one thing we don't need more of in this world, it's hate. Opposing same-sex marriage is one thing; pretending it doesn't exist is another matter entirely. The former I will accept, even if I totally disagree. The latter will enrage me. Because the truth is, like war and abortion and famine, homosexuality is very real. (War and famine are not the best examples, as they're pretty much considered universal evils, but I couldn't think of anything else)
We are living in a society where being LGBTQ is becoming less controversial and more and more accepted. I strongly believe that we could be the generation that will change things. I'm convinced that the vast majority of people despise racism, which was common until fairly recently. If our attitude towards racial minorities and interracial relationships changed so quickly, what do you think will happen to our views on LGBTQ?
And a final question: We despise racism, and look back on white supremacy as a horrific belief held by ignorant people. In twenty years, how will we look back on homophobia?
Jumping On The Bandwagon (A Review)
So today I'm going to be one of those bloggers that talks about hair accessories.
I recently jumped on the bandwagon and bought one of those hair doughnut things, after seeing how fantastic they look on other people. The one I bought was £4 from Matalan, and truth be told, I wasn't expecting great things. I'm not really an 'appearance person' except on special occasions, my hair and makeup skills are mediocre at best, and despite owning many, many nail varnishes, I still haven't mastered painting my right hand.
I was pleasantly surprised, then, when the hair doughnut was not only remarkably easy to use, but also looked kind of cute. I have the unfortunate habit of hiding behind my hair when I get shy or anxious, and I'm trying to avoid doing it. Before, I put my hair in a ponytail or a plait, but now I think I'll be sticking with the doughnut. It's incredibly versatile; you could make the bun really messy, or it could look very beautiful and elegant. I prefer to go somewhere in the middle. As a theatre kid and dancer, it is so practical and also super easy to do. Even I managed to figure it out and make a decent-looking bun on the first try. So if you haven't bought one (but let's be honest, you probably have) then I wholeheartedly reccomend it.
I recently jumped on the bandwagon and bought one of those hair doughnut things, after seeing how fantastic they look on other people. The one I bought was £4 from Matalan, and truth be told, I wasn't expecting great things. I'm not really an 'appearance person' except on special occasions, my hair and makeup skills are mediocre at best, and despite owning many, many nail varnishes, I still haven't mastered painting my right hand.
I was pleasantly surprised, then, when the hair doughnut was not only remarkably easy to use, but also looked kind of cute. I have the unfortunate habit of hiding behind my hair when I get shy or anxious, and I'm trying to avoid doing it. Before, I put my hair in a ponytail or a plait, but now I think I'll be sticking with the doughnut. It's incredibly versatile; you could make the bun really messy, or it could look very beautiful and elegant. I prefer to go somewhere in the middle. As a theatre kid and dancer, it is so practical and also super easy to do. Even I managed to figure it out and make a decent-looking bun on the first try. So if you haven't bought one (but let's be honest, you probably have) then I wholeheartedly reccomend it.
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