I am growing up. That is scary. I'm currently 15, almost 16 years old. In a year, I'll have done my GCSEs, and I'll be (hopefully) in sixth form. I have to make so many decisions right now - what subjects do I want to take? (French, Italian, Psychology and History) What do I want to do after sixth form? (A degree in French and Italian, including a year abroad) And which sixth form do I want to attend? (...)
The problem here is that I have a huge internal conflict. Part of me wants to stay at the same school I've been at since I was eleven, where I know the teachers and students and I can find my way around. That side is competing with the more rational part of me, which wants to move to a different school in the area that specialises in languages. Given my ambitions, that would be the logical choice. But for some reason I just can't picture myself there. I've visited the school and it's lovely, but it's all very open, unlike my school which is relatively closed off. My family wants me to move schools, and on some level I do too, but I have friends here and I don't know if I can leave them after everything I've been through to form actual friendships.
Growing up is hard to do.
Saturday 25 January 2014
Monday 20 January 2014
A Brief History
My theatre story isn't like many other people's- I never did anything like this before, save for the weekly ballet class that I persevered with from the ages of 3 to 13, which I decidedly hated. I had a friend who was into the whole musical theatre thing; it was something I had wanted to do for a long time, but honestly my family just didn't have the money. I was 12 when my mum relented and I started this obsession. It's only been three years, but it feels like longer. I've made so many great friends and I owe them so much for welcoming me and being awesome. :)
I was talking to my friend Maya the other day about how performing arts is like my therapy - I've been through counselling for anxiety, I've had major friendship issues, I struggled with depression and self-harm, but the theatre is where I really forget all of that. Even during the really bad times, when I was 14 and had forgotten what it meant to be happy, when I was convinced that I wouldn't let myself live to see my 16th birthday, my GCSE results, my prom, my A Levels... I always felt content in the theatre. Even during a tedious dress rehearsal where everything is going wrong and you're all freaking out, I was at peace with myself.
Many people struggle to understand why my theatre group is so important to me and why I devote so much of my life to the performing arts. I hope this can help explain some of that.
NOTE: if you're struggling with any of the stuff I mentioned, know that you're not alone. I try to be very open about my past because I don't want anyone else to feel like I did. I'm by no means a qualified psychologist, but if you need to talk. I will be here and I will listen. Stay strong.
I was talking to my friend Maya the other day about how performing arts is like my therapy - I've been through counselling for anxiety, I've had major friendship issues, I struggled with depression and self-harm, but the theatre is where I really forget all of that. Even during the really bad times, when I was 14 and had forgotten what it meant to be happy, when I was convinced that I wouldn't let myself live to see my 16th birthday, my GCSE results, my prom, my A Levels... I always felt content in the theatre. Even during a tedious dress rehearsal where everything is going wrong and you're all freaking out, I was at peace with myself.
Many people struggle to understand why my theatre group is so important to me and why I devote so much of my life to the performing arts. I hope this can help explain some of that.
NOTE: if you're struggling with any of the stuff I mentioned, know that you're not alone. I try to be very open about my past because I don't want anyone else to feel like I did. I'm by no means a qualified psychologist, but if you need to talk. I will be here and I will listen. Stay strong.
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